Love Makes a Difference/ My View of Iasi

Well, I'm home again. At least, to Iași, my pseudo-home. I had such amazing experiences in Greece and Vienna over the last couple weeks, but I was ready to come home. That first week back was difficult, I'm not going to lie. It wasn't because the week lacked precious moments. There were so many great moments.

It was just really difficult for me to come back from a long vacation and not be able to go HOME. To have to return to a place that was still a foreign country.
Disclaimer: if I haven't already, I am about to sound like an absolute brat.


I don't want to travel anymore. Don't get me wrong, I want to keep doing what I'm doing here. But we have a long weekend coming up with a trip to Italy planned, and I really am not looking forward to it as much as I should. I think it's just because I'm exhausted from being abroad for the summer. I don't think anyone who isn't here will really understand how emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting this trip is. It stretches me in every way, especially stretching the capacity of my heart.


Anywho, I returned from the trip and was surprised to feel as down as I was. Adjusting back to Iasi life was harder than I expected, but I kept chugging along and tying to ignore it/suck it up. And that was not hard to do at all while at the orphanage or school or hospital. But lately the huge chunk of time afterwards has felt longer than I remember. Between feeling exhausted and the overwhelming heat and humidity, we don't often feel very motivated to leave the apartment once we are done for the day. So the nights start to feel pretty long, and that's when I started realizing how badly I wanted to go home.


But I'll just start with the events of this week.


Xavier's birthday was in the week before we returned from our trip, but the orphanage put off celebrating it for a special surprise. 10 years ago, a volunteer named Robby came and bonded with Xavier through the orphanage program. He was one of the first people to recognize that Xavier was much more capable and aware than people thought he was. Robby has come back several times since his initial visit. He learned how to use communication devices and eventually a Boardmaker program for the computer that enables Alex to play games and speak through the computer. Xavier LOVES him.


And he came to surprise him for his birthday! Apparently the moment he saw Robby, Xavier just was freaking out. So precious. Maddy and I helped blow balloons up for the birthday party, and later that morning a lot of us went into the cafeteria that was all decorated for Xavier. Romanian balloons are hard to blow up. I got a bloody nose from the effort. Which is weird, because I don't get bloody noses (I have secretly always wanted an accident-induced bloody nose or black eye, just because movies made them look cool. Please, refrain from any offers to assist me in this dream).


They rolled Xavier in, and I almost started crying just watching him for the next 30 minutes. He was SO happy. He just was grinning that smile of his that steals my heart. He was all dressed up in a nice shirt and tie, and just AH. Smiling and lifting his arms. He LOVES balloons, so when we dumped the balloons out all over, he was on cloud nine. He kept looking at me and trying to get me to grab the balloons from the banner and take them down to play with him haha.


We sang the Romanian happy birthday song ("La Mulți Ani!"), which is significantly longer and more interesting than the English song. I didn't realize until I came here how I creative that song is. Seriously. It's the exact same line 4 times, with the earth-shattering substitution of "to you" for an actual name before returning to the same line for a thrilling conclusion.


Anywho, the kids who came to the party all had cake. Robby warned me that it would not be remotely appetizing to me, but the kids were thrilled and on a sugar high for the rest of the day. Xavier is 17 now, even though I think I've been saying he's been 17 for a while.


Thanks to the new supply of balloons, we had to get creative. Aside from putting party hats on balloons with drawn on faces, putting balloons on our heads, hitting the balloon around, etc. our most recent addition is balloon art! I give Xavier a marker and hold the balloon while he goes at it. They are pretty big balloons, so it takes a while. After a while he indicates that he wants me to draw something, and the guessing games begin haha. I can usually come up with a few things that are exciting enough to make it onto the balloon. Now he looks to be balloon and the marker cabinet as soon as he can catch my eye when I walk in.

Gus is a snail we found outside one day. We never found him again but enjoyed playing "Unde e Gus?" (Where is Gus)

For his bird at, Xavier got a remote control car. The thing that makes it so exciting for him, is that it's controlled by the movement of the remote that is strapped to his hand. He loves it, and even though the battery is infuriatingly dysfunctional, we play with it for sometimes an hour or more. In addition to making it ram into the wall at full speed and go in circles repeatedly (sometimes I make a tunnel with my legs), he likes to drive the car into children/workers who pass by. He also finds it quite hysterical when the battery randomly stops working and I pretend to kick it or throw the car out the window. I'm mostly kidding when I have those feelings.


Other than that, most of Xavier's time was spent with Robby on the computer or doing whatever two "homies" (as Robby calls them) do in their free time. Sometimes I get to join in on the fun and be an honorary bro. Robby mentioned that he had a video game set up on his computer that they played for a while. I jokingly requested Star Wars Battlefront 2, and two days later...


I GOT TO PLAY IT WITH XAVIER. I don't think everyone will understand the excitement that this held for me. I love that game. I love that boy. It was two of my favorite things randomly joining forces in a small orphanage in Romania. Such a blessing.


Here's how it worked-- I controlled the movement and aim of the player using the keyboard and mousepad. Using the head device from the computer program, Xavier controlled the shooting. So we were the same player, but the actions were divided between the two of us. The ultimate test of teamwork. We rocked it.


On one level (I believe on Endor) we had 89 kills. I wish I could have heard some of the thoughts of the passing workers who heard the shouts and laughs coming from the tiny little room that we played in. I am very competitive, and I get pretty into this game. So I am running our guy around and before long I'm yelling "SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT!" And "ARUNCA! ARUNCA!" and then "NU MAI ARUNCA!" Robby had taught me that when I wanted him to throw a grenade I should say "arunca." But with some levels and some player options you have missiles instead, so there was some confusion when I would tell him that word to shoot a missile. I found out a few days later that "arunca" means "throw." Close enough.


Despite the chaos of him throwing multiple grenades as soon as we picked them up (sometimes killing us in the process), we had a jolly old time. Robby came in after a while and asked "ummm do you know what time it is?" Turns out it was after 11. I asked if he needed Xavier back, and when the answer was no.... Yep we ended up playing for 2.5 hours. It was glorious and kind of dizzying. All and all-- - great day.


You're probably wondering how on earth I could feel down with all of these amazing things happening. Me too! But I started to realize with each tender mercy that Heavenly Father was trying to ease the burden a bit by blessing me with such great experiences.


Before Robby left, he taught me how to create new boxes on boardmaker, so I can add to the conversations that I can have with Xavier! I really want to learn more about the communication options in technology for people with disabilities.


Xavier is always sad when Robby leaves, but he's getting used to it and knowing he comes back. Unfortunately, Robby isn't sure when he can come again in the future... I wish I knew if I'd see Xavier again after I leave.


That weekend consisted of a million episodes of "Once Upon a Time" and some attempts at being productive via cleaning the apartment. On Saturday I was just in a funk. I did not want to be around people. I felt remarkably antisocial, and I just wanted to go home. Our group walked all the way to this restaurant, and I don't think I said a single word. I just felt... Low. And guilty for feeling that way when I had been blessed with such tender moments and this amazing opportunity. As we walked I began to pray, asking for help. I just didn't want to feel that way. I just wanted to be happy and have a better attitude. I just needed help.


We went on and had dinner at this place called Vivo that the missionaries had recommended as an American food place. It had some wonderful burgers. Also, weird side note-- restaurants here always give two straws in your drinks. It's cute and interesting. I began to open up and had a good time. Some of us kind of rushed, so we could go to the Romanian language lesson the missionaries were offering that night. It took a lot for me to motivate myself to go, but I finally did. And I'm so glad that I did.

The lesson was the first time I had practiced Romanian in a while, so it was a good refresher course as well as instruction. But the lesson wasn't as significant as the spiritual thought that the missionaries shared with us afterwards. They read D&C 29: 4-6:

"4 Verily, I say unto you that ye are chosen out of the world to declare my gospel with the sound of rejoicing, as with the voice of a trump.
5 Lift up your hearts and be glad, for I am in your midst, and am your advocate with the Father; and it is his good will to give you the kingdom."
Now, the missionaries could have gone in any direction with this, but they chose to relate it to what our summer was devoted to-- the orphanage.
I'm going to summarize what she said without all the "she said" and "I realized."


The very essence of the gospel is love. That's what it's all about. If the gospel is love, then what I am doing here is sharing the gospel with these children, because everything that we do here is about love. I am introducing these children to love. Many of the kids here are at such a fragile stage in their lives where it is so important that they experience love to develop emotionally and mentally.


One of the sister missionaries told a story of a woman that they had been teaching who was an orphan. She told the missionaries that she felt alone her whole life. She had always felt hated. Except at the orphanage...there were American girls who were kind to her. She said that THAT was the first time that she felt love.


That story hit me so hard. I had already been crying pretty much from the first sentence the missionaries said, but that story tipped it over the edge. So many tears.


Some of these children have never experienced love. We are introducing them to that. If they don't understand love, in addition the obvious emotional implications that has in their lives, they won't be able to even begin to understand that they have a Heavenly Father who loves them. That He loves them so much that He sent His son, their older brother, to die for them. Because of that love, they can be together as an eternal family. That is a message that everyone needs, and I would imagine would be especially important to an orphan.


That's why what I'm doing is so important here. I am showing them what love looks like. What it feels like. I'm bringing the love of God to them, and because of THAT... I'm a missionary here, in our own special way.


And that realization changes everything.


Like the dance parties with "Malena" when she comes into our room at the end of the day. She has clubbed feet, and the options to correct it can't be afforded by the orphanage. So she gets her legs in casts all the way from her toes to her hips. They change the position and recast her feet every once in a while. It's a painful process for her, but she can be the happiest little beautiful girl. We used to just dance by pulling her around in her wheelchair. But the workers started to let me pick her up, and now we dance in circles and spin and go crazy to the music. The workers just stare at me and laugh now, because I go crazy and look like a shameless fool. Anything to make her smile. She looks at me sometimes and just holds my face in her hands and then hugs me. It feels like something is just squeezing my heart. Saying goodbye to her everyday is so hard, just because she looks so disappointed. But those moments of pure joy in her eyes are so worth the pain of goodbye.


The realization also helps when unexpected things happen, like when Dunkin projectile vomits all over my legs within the first few minutes of me holding him. That was a good time. He needs love so badly. Not that that affected the vomit. But still.


All my interactions with the kids have more meaning now. I still have times when I am down or want to go home, but my purpose here has been renewed! I love these children. And I love answered prayers.


So there has been a big change at the school. Due to enrollment changes, the school is only open until Thursday, July 23rd. So I am done teaching! Crazy. It was insanity and sweaty and sometimes infuriating, but I am going to miss (some of) those kids. They are so cute. My favorite, Sebi, is a little animal, but he knows I have a soft spot for him. So he likes me and goofs off with me. I probably distract him more than I should.

He is just too cute.

Sometimes he looks like a little devil. And acts that way too.

But mostly he is a sweetheart.

 The mom of Ioana, one of our young gals (adorable but cries for every little reason and lack thereof), stopped a girl in our group today to thank us. She just said that Ioana has made so much progress this year, and thanks us for our effort and time with her. It was really rewarding, since we sometimes don't feel like we made a difference with them all. I really appreciated her gratitude and opinion of Ioana's progress, especially as we are saying goodbye to the kiddies.

Teo--this cutie used to not speak to us at all (in any language). He finally is letting out his goofy side and laughing all the time.

Sofia-- easily the most beautiful child I have ever seen. So fun and loving and smart!

Tomfoolery.

Mihai! This goofball used to be a nightmare to teach, but lately he has been playing teacher's pet. He folds his arms and looks up at us with these huge eyes. His favorite thing to say now is "English only!" to his classmates. He is so fun and loves when he can honestly say the kids' favorite saying..."I'M BEING GOOOOD!"

She is a model. And bored by the lesson apparently.

Just focus on her face and not the strange human behind her. 

Okay, last bit of this post. I've mentioned before how I feel like people probably think I am just vacationing all the time, since I only post the pictures of beautiful moments and adventures. But when I look back on my time here, regardless of what others have seen, I want to remember the real places I'd been. Yes, the pretty pictures had their moments, but I decided I want to show Iasi through my eyes. Because this city is dirty and smelly and beautiful and special to me. So I'm going to feature a little bit of Iasi with each post until I leave.


So enjoy!

This is a pretty normal sidewalk in Iasi. 

I trip approximately 7 times a day.

Still part of the sidewalk.

It seems like EVERY day, a new section of the street/sidewalk is being torn up. There is ALWAYS construction going on. And it often means loud machinery and huge holes.

Cute, old Romanian ladies and some more quality sidewalk.

Yard and a home.

Typical apartment buildings in the city.

Gypsy children playing in the street

Greenery overtakes the yard

Pretty view of the canal thing...?

Typical graffiti. The white one in the middle says "I love the government, I love the police, but most of all I love cannabis."  So there is that.

It's pretty common to see men and women going through the trash cans like this in alleys. Some carry their belongings and things they collect around in HUGE bundles on their backs (with a bed sheet) or push it around with a small wagon. 

Not sure what this little hay structure is, but it reminds me of the larger ones we saw in the countryside. I assumed the large ones were dwellings for poorer Romanians, but I don't know for sure. 

Red-roofed houses are very common. As are junk piles between houses, as they seem to be a a home of a sort for some poor people.

Beautiful rooftop view

The canal/sewer line that smells so good all the time...

Podul Ros!

Little markets outside our apartments.

Notice the pigeons.

Notice the sidewalks.

Closer view of the typical apartments.

It's very common to see gypsies sitting/standing on the streets begging for money. It is really difficult sometimes to just walk by them.

The ice cream place that we love so much. Sometimes my apartment messages the girls who live across from it to find out if it is still open when our nightly craving kicks in. We are pretty lazy by the end of the day. 

You can also see a woman selling flowers on the street. There are also many gypsies who sell flowers, herbs, and produce on the streets. Some gypsies are crippled and they get pity money from many Romanians. I learned that some gypsies intentionally cripple their babies, so that the children can bring in more money out of pity for their condition.

Fun fact: since I've been here I have been exposed to children with lice, AIDS, hepatitis, and chicken pox. And that doesn't even include children from the hospital.

Another fun fact: Sometimes our food is really good. Sometimes it looks like this.

So to sum it all up... I'm part of something great here. I know I've said that before. But I don't think I understood that completely before this week. I still am ready to go home. But I also am appreciating things here a lot more. I miss lots of things about America. Like American ice cream (it's different. Just trust me on this.). Cookie dough. Mexican food. Steak. Free refills on drinks. Complimentary water. Being able to pet stranger's dogs without being judged hardcore. But I have a list of things that I'll miss about this summer, and the list of children from my room is already longer than the list above.


I think this last 27 days will be the part where I find myself and am really tested. Now that I'm tired and ready to go home, I will be pushed to the limits for this last bit. I am confident that the encouragement I received this week will help me to face the challenge well. I probably am going to end up sitting on the kitchen floor eating ice cream a few more times before I go home, but the good outweighs the bad. And I intend to "take the good with the bad."

Stay Classy, America.