100 Days until Eternity.

In 100 days, I am marrying Ryan Anthony Foley.

What you just read is called a "hook" in literature, and its purpose is to grab the audience's attention without using a cheesy introduction like "Since the beginning of time..." Perhaps a hook was a little redundant, since the fact that I have actually written in my blog is probably shocking and surprising enough to captivate anyone scrolling through facebook.

Cutting to the chase...I haven't written in this since I was coming home from Romania. I wish that I had time to go back and fill you in on all of my wanderings and adventures from the last year-and -a-half, but that's not what this post is for. Just know there has been camping, skiing, beaches, school, work, glorious food, road trips, and several other adventures of all shapes and sizes.

I want to tell you about Ryan. I have written about Ryan in my journal, but I want to have a synopsis for you all to read. For those of you who are shocked that I will be married at age 22, this will hopefully explain things in a way that will help you understand. And make you ridiculously jealous of my crazy, confusing, sometimes stressful, but mostly unbelievably happy life. If you just want an explanation, you may want to skip to chapter 7. For those of you who are just excited to hear about me and Ryan, I hope this does the job. And also reinforces what you SHOULD believe-- that we are the best thing since sliced bread.

HERE WE GO.

Chapter 1: Pre-Ryan

Ryan and I met in Provo, Utah in September of 2015. We lived in the same apartment complex, south of BYU campus, so we attended church at the same building on Sundays.

I still remember the first time I spoke to Ryan. He walked up to me and my friend while we were speaking to two of his roommates between meetings at church. I remember thinking how tall he was and (after speaking to him for a minute or two) how confident and funny he was. I'm pretty sure that the first thing he asked me was about which Premier League soccer team I followed. And then accusing me of not actually liking soccer since I only played it and didn't really follow any team.
(For the record, I now facetime Ryan on the morning of Arsenal games to watch with him. We are committed.)

Ryan turned out to be in an apartment that was grouped with my own apartment for Family Home Evening (every Monday night we had a gospel lesson and some sort of activity), so we spent a lot of time together!

....However, this is a Hannah Kruman story, so it's not so simple as meeting, becoming friends, and then falling in love.

First, I dated Ryan's roommate.

Second, I dated Ryan's other roommate...

"Judge not, that ye be not judged."

Anywho, over the course of those months, I interacted with Ryan at least once or twice a week still, because our apartments were always together. I always thought that Ryan was absolutely hilarious, and I always felt that there was something so engaging about him that just made everyone want to talk to him.

Now, for the fun part.

Chapter 2: The Beginning of Something.

Fast-forward to January 2016. Ryan and I had been friends in the months leading up to the new year, but in January, I was single and things began to change.

If I am being completely honest, I'd say that it was the result of my sad attempt at playing Cupid backfiring completely. While doing my best to push Ryan and a roommate of mine together, Ryan and I began to talk a lot more than we used to. I sincerely was trying to get the two of them together. But as we talked and talked and played soccer together, I started to realize how much I absolutely loved to talk to him.

Needless to say, I was a little (only a little, I promise) jealous when I heard him ask out my roommate in my living room. I guess I had no right to be upset, I mean, I had dated two of his roommates, but it still bothered me. Which is why I knew I needed to back off. And I did.

Until it became clear that it wasn't working out between the two of them. Ryan and I began to talk even more at this point. We met up almost every night and would talk in the lounge until 2 AM or go for a drive up the canyon. He would indulge my late-night cravings for KFC or sit on the couches for sale at Smith's until we were getting weird looks from those also in the store at 3 AM.

One day, Ryan invited me to the symphony with him up in Salt Lake, because his date had to bail on him. I later learned that that was all a ploy.

All this time, I had myself convinced that I would never date him. I couldn't date another guy from apartment 28. It would be just too embarrassing.

One night, while up in the lounge talking for hours, Ryan asked me what I would say if he asked me on a date. Panic. Excitement? Mostly panic. But also excitement.

After making him wait a day, I finally told him no. It would be too much drama. It just couldn't work. Not then, at least. And thus, Ryan stayed in the friend zone. For just a bit longer.

Chapter 3: California

Here is a piece of advice for you: If you want to avoid falling for a guy, do not go on a road trip with him to Los Angeles. You will fail. But it will be glorious.

With several bets stacked against us (that we would kiss on the trip, come back dating, etc.), we headed off with Ryan's brother Brock and his sister-in-law, Emily. That 9-10 hour car ride was probably the fastest one of my life. For the first time, I was with Ryan in a setting where I didn't even care about what his roommates, my roommates, or anyone else thought. I was free to just get to know him. And I loved what I got to know. Poor Brock and Emily had to deal with us flirting for the entire car ride. I don't really know how we ended up surreptitiously holding hands under a pillow in the back seat. But by the time we got to LA, things were moving.

The next few days were spent at Ryan's aunt and uncle's house with their little kids. We went to Santa Monica Pier, explored LA, and went to Ryan's audition at Colburn University. As the sun set over the San Fernando valley one night, Ryan and I sat on the wall of the Getty Museum and looked out towards the water and over all the hills that were magically illuminated by the orange light. That was the first time that I thought "If Ryan kissed me right now... I would let him."

And I was slightly bitter when he didn't take 34239 perfect opportunities to do so. I later teased him mercilessly, when I found out that he had been considering it but wimped out. In fact, when the security guard came to kick us out, Ryan looked at me and said "Probably for the best...Another ten minutes and you may have owed some people some money."

On our last night in California, Ryan and I were sitting on the couch together and he asked me again if he could take me on a date. At this point, I knew I would be stupid to let my worries about others stand in the way of giving him a chance. So I said yes.

Chapter 4: The First Kiss and Date

Contrary to the belief of some, Ryan and I did NOT kiss on that trip. Perhaps it was our competitive sides coming through, but we waited.

Not for too long, though. When Brock and Emily dropped us off, Ryan turned to me and said "Don't go to bed yet. I'm going to text my sister to get my car, and then I need to take you somewhere." I like to take some credit here, because if I hadn't teased him about missing the Getty opportunity so many times, I think he would have waited a while longer.

Ryan drove me up to Deer Creek Reservoir. We had been there before on one of our late-night drives, and I broke through the ice, soaking my feet with cold water which cut that adventure short.

This night, however, we were a little more careful. Besides, I knew the whole purpose of this was for Ryan to try to create a moment ALMOST as good as the Getty. And there were several moments when we came close. Maybe he was waiting for that 90-10 Hitch strategy to work for him, but I just didn't let him kiss me quite yet. It felt too contrived.

Eventually, we headed back to the car. And I made one more smart remark. "Wow, I can't believe you didn't kiss me tonight..."

Ryan straightened up, grabbed my hand and turned me around. "Come on." We headed back towards the reservoir and just started talking again. Then we climbed up into this large tree with bare branches. One branch was so big that we could sit side-by-side and look out at the full moon shining down on the snow-covered reservoir. After a few moments of taking in the beauty and the silence, Ryan leaned over and gently pulled me into a kiss.

And it was perfect.

Apparently, he was also quite proud of himself, because after smiling at me he pumped his fist in the air and bellowed "Woo! SUCK it, Getty! SUCK it, Hannah! Suck it, Nessy!" (We attributed the strange gurgling coming from below the ice to Nessy, who was ruining the mood earlier in the evening.)

Fortunately, Ryan realized that this wasn't the most romantic thing he could have said after our first kiss. He kissed me again and this time tried something more acceptable like "You are beautiful."

That next weekend, Ryan and I went on our first official date. He took me to Nicoitalia's Pizza, and then we made chocolate lava cakes together and watched a movie. At this point, I already knew I was into him. The presence of good food only amplified those happy feelings.

Chapter 5: Months of Bliss

I'm realizing that I need to speed this storytelling process along now. Unfortunately, if this story were a sandwich, this chapter would be the big hunk of meat in the middle. Except this is an open-face sandwich, because there is no end or final piece of bread.

Anyways, Ryan and I went on several dates. He had auditions out in NYC, and while he was on his last trip, we talked about how we were basically in a relationship, since neither of us were dating anyone else. When Ryan returned that night, he made me come up to meet him in the lounge, promising it'd be brief. I sat down and he told me he had two questions,

He pulled out a single red rose, and asked "Hannah, will you accept this rose?" (We may have watched the Bachelor together sometimes...

And then, "Hannah, will you be my girlfriend?"

The months that followed seemed unreal. I kept waiting for the butterflies to stop. They didn't. I kept waiting for him to get bored of me or for me to get bored of him. We didn't. Instead, we just kept falling.

Ryan told me he loved me one night when we snuck away from our friends down in Moab. We sat on a large rock, and he nervously told me that he was in love with me. You know the kind of happiness where you just can't stop smiling, even after the moment is passed? It was that good. Pretty sure our friends were really confused when we returned, smiling like goobers.

How do I summarize being together every single day for months upon months? We played soccer, went on adventures, went out for food, talked and talked, found hammock places around Provo, cooked together, and met each other's family. And it was perfect.

Don't get me wrong, not every day was perfect. Sometimes, I get bad anxiety, usually associated with my relationships with others-- in friendships and dating. That was an adjustment for us. Ryan and I had to learn how to talk to each other when I was distant. We had to learn how to be open with each other when it feels risky. I had to learn that this boy loved me. I had to learn that when he talked to me about how we needed to make changes, it was so we could grow close and learn from those low moments. I had to learn that he wouldn't give up on us.

But overall, it was perfect. We had hard days, but that is life. That is reality. But the majority of our days, our weeks were absolute bliss. Ryan told me once that if God allots a certain number of "perfect moments" to people during their time on earth, we somehow got far more than our share.

I am a pretty happy person in general. But there was an entirely new level of happiness that I discovered during these months with Ryan. A happiness I had never come close to in other relationships. A happiness that I didn't know was even possible.

Every month positively flew by. We talked constantly, were together every day, and we wrote letters to each other every once in a while, just to remind each other of how we felt.

Towards the end of the summer, Ryan and I had to deal with the fact that he was leaving for grad school down in Texas. This meant really analyzing our relationship and where it could go. We had talked about marriage before, always in a "someday" sense, more than an actual plan that we were ready to start making.

In August, however, Ryan and I went up to Idaho to visit his grandparents and then go to his family reunion. Every single day was perfect. Crazy, loud, sometimes chaotic but perfect. I knew that I loved Ryan already, but after that reunion, I understood that I wanted to be a part of his family. I started to know what I wanted my future to look like.

At the end of the reunion, Ryan stayed behind to go on a camping trip with his family, and I drove back to Provo for my classes. And we were apart for the first time in 6 months.

For about 4 days.

And it was miserable.

Ryan had been home for maybe 2 hours before he found a quiet moment to tell me how he felt on that trip. How he had had a lot of time up in the wilderness to think about me and think about us. He talked to his family, and from the sounds of it, he missed me ALMOST as much as I missed him.

And then, Ryan told me that he wanted to marry me.

 Chapter 6: The Proposal

The time came for Ryan to move to Texas. Although I was sorely tempted to give in to Ryan's request that I did my student teaching down there instead, we both knew that we would just have to spend some time apart.

We made the 16 hour drive to Kansas City, Missouri together, so I could see his home before I left for my family trip and he began his drive to Texas. Apparently, 16 hours in the car with your favorite person goes by ridiculously quickly. Especially when you are singing Hamilton, dancing to whatever song Ryan is making up, and talking about how we want our future together to look.

Well, after getting the grand tour of his hometown, Ryan and I had to say goodbye.

Have you ever had your own, personal, dramatic airport scene? Where you are both crying and the girl is ugly-sobbing? And they kiss and hug goodbye and then look back about 30 times as the girl enters security? And then the worker asks for your license and boarding pass while smiling, until he looks at your face and his eyes grow wide with concern?

Yeah. Me either.

The next month was pretty miserable. I had so much going on with school and work that time went quickly...but also painfully slow since my time wasn't full of Ryan.

For Labor Day weekend, I went down to Austin to visit Ryan! As soon as I saw him again, I was just hit with how much I love this guy. I suddenly became this doting girl, who just wanted to be staring at him every second of our day, because I was just so happy to be with him again.

On the Saturday before Labor Day, Ryan and I celebrated our 7 month-iversary! We went to the Austin graffiti park, cooled off at an art gallery, and then went to dinner at a fancy restaurant! He likes to spoil me every once in a while.

Unfortunately, Ryan was feeling sick a lot of that day. Every time he left our table to go to the bathroom I thought "Is he going to get the ring?? Is this when he proposes?"

But then he came back and told me what happened in the bathroom. Not exactly romantic.

After dinner (and after Ryan lay on the grass to recover a bit), Ryan and I went to a performing arts center with a large grassy lawn in front. From the lawn, we could see the city skyline lighting up the night sky. It was beautiful.

At this point, I was pretty positive that Ryan was going to propose. But I also was thrown off by how much he kept joking about proposing. He was really trying to mess with my mind.

We sat on the grass and exchanged gifts for our special day! I gave him a new Arsenal jersey and he pulled out about 100 photos of us. We went through all the pictures of us and talked about all the stories and memories associated with them.

Ryan wanted to spend forever on each photo, so he kept having to slow me down as I tried to speed things along and get to what I assumed came after the photos...

After we finished looking through the photos, Ryan just told me how much those pictures mean to him. How they make him think of all of our amazing adventures together, and how he is so excited to have so many more.

And then he pulled out the ring.

He got on one knee and said, "Hannah Kruman, will you marry me?"

And I said YES!

And just like that, we were engaged.

With my face sore from smiling, I went with my fiancé to get celebratory gelato and to call our families. After we got home, Ryan got really sick again. So the rest of the night was spent with Ryan feeling miserable while put cold cloths on his forehead to cool him down. The next day, Ryan apologized for it being such a "lame" night. But in all honesty, I loved it.

Don't get me wrong, I take no pleasure in seeing Ryan suffer. But it was such a special moment for me, for reasons that may sound silly to others. I had just agreed to marry this feverish, miserable boy. And I got to be with him to take care of him! It was like a glimpse in the future. My first opportunity to care for my fiancé "in sickness and in health." Of course, I would have preferred him not having to feel miserable. But, in a special way, I thought it was a perfect end to our evening.

Chapter 7: Thoughts, Feelings, and Reasons

THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART

If you are still reading, I am very impressed with you. If you skipped ahead, welcome! This is the important part for you to read. Up to this point, it has been mostly for my own memory.

I want to talk about why I am getting married.

Reason #1-- I am crazy in love with Ryan Foley. If this is news to you, I suggest you see chapters 1-6.

Reason #2-- Family is important to me. Beyond important, it is essential. We have opportunities to grow through the relationships and interactions and trials associated with families.

I believe that God is our Heavenly Father. This means that I am his daughter. Families are part of God's plan for us, and we are in a spiritual family with Him by the very divine nature that we each have. And that fact alone is enough for me to believe in families. I don't believe that God just leaves families alone. He knows that families are essential for us to progress in this life. I am so thankful for my family.

And I am excited for my family to grow.

I am marrying a man who loves his family. He respects them, is friends with them, and sacrifices for them. I know that the person who he is today is because of all he has learned from being in and loving his family. And this gives me so much hope and excitement for the family we are becoming. In a few months, I know Ryan will make an amazing husband. Someday, I know Ryan will be an wonderful father. In the meantime, I am so excited for our little family of two.

Reason #3-- I want our family to be together forever.

I believe that marriage can and does last beyond "til death do us part." On January 3rd, Ryan and I will be married in the Philadelphia Latter-Day Saint temple. There, we will be sealed together for "time and all eternity." I believe that after this life, Ryan and I will be together again, and we will be with our family.

I know that Ryan is the person I want beside me for eternity. The thought of "forever" is overwhelming to me when I try to understand it. There is a line from a song that I think is particularly pertinent...

"And if love never lasts forever, tell me, what's forever for?"

I believe that love and marriages can last forever. And I believe that love is the only thing that can make "forever" full to the brim!

Reason #4--Life is Hard. And marriage isn't easy. That is life, and those are just the facts. But Ryan and I can do hard things. Ryan and I are going to make our marriage beautiful and eternal. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, we will have bad days. But we will love each other and work together. I will pick him up and he will push me along. We will help each other and push the other to reach our goals. Ryan has already shown me that he is my number one fan. He believes in me. And I believe in him, and I will always have his back. And we will have the future that we have always dreamed of having.  

Conclusion

This blog is called "Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost...The Wanderings of Hannah."
So perhaps I should explain why something as typical as a love story is being included. "To wander" is sometimes defined as "to follow a path with many turns." With that definition in mind, I think this blog is really about my life. Following a path with turns, sometimes planned and other times unexpected. Marriage is a turn in my path that will take me towards a future of happiness. And with Ryan by my side, I will happily travel down the turn-ridden path for the rest of my life.

I want to end this post with a quote from a letter Ryan wrote for me to read after he proposed. Hopefully he doesn't mind that I am sharing it with the world... But I think it eloquently explains how I feel about the path we are on.

"Together, we will be strong. We will love and grow together. We'll raise a beautiful and close family. Our home will be a place of love and safety and truth, built upon the rock of our relationship...which in turn is built upon the Rock of our Savior, Jesus Christ. We will make so many mistakes and have so many twists, but, with each stumble and fall, we'll be at each other's side to help each other through it all.

I love you Hannah Elisa Kruman. Thanks for making my dreams come true and embarking on this journey with me. I promise you it'll be worth the ride."

And, I truly believe this journey I am embarking on with Ryan will be the best adventure of my life.