100 Days until Eternity.

In 100 days, I am marrying Ryan Anthony Foley.

What you just read is called a "hook" in literature, and its purpose is to grab the audience's attention without using a cheesy introduction like "Since the beginning of time..." Perhaps a hook was a little redundant, since the fact that I have actually written in my blog is probably shocking and surprising enough to captivate anyone scrolling through facebook.

Cutting to the chase...I haven't written in this since I was coming home from Romania. I wish that I had time to go back and fill you in on all of my wanderings and adventures from the last year-and -a-half, but that's not what this post is for. Just know there has been camping, skiing, beaches, school, work, glorious food, road trips, and several other adventures of all shapes and sizes.

I want to tell you about Ryan. I have written about Ryan in my journal, but I want to have a synopsis for you all to read. For those of you who are shocked that I will be married at age 22, this will hopefully explain things in a way that will help you understand. And make you ridiculously jealous of my crazy, confusing, sometimes stressful, but mostly unbelievably happy life. If you just want an explanation, you may want to skip to chapter 7. For those of you who are just excited to hear about me and Ryan, I hope this does the job. And also reinforces what you SHOULD believe-- that we are the best thing since sliced bread.

HERE WE GO.

Chapter 1: Pre-Ryan

Ryan and I met in Provo, Utah in September of 2015. We lived in the same apartment complex, south of BYU campus, so we attended church at the same building on Sundays.

I still remember the first time I spoke to Ryan. He walked up to me and my friend while we were speaking to two of his roommates between meetings at church. I remember thinking how tall he was and (after speaking to him for a minute or two) how confident and funny he was. I'm pretty sure that the first thing he asked me was about which Premier League soccer team I followed. And then accusing me of not actually liking soccer since I only played it and didn't really follow any team.
(For the record, I now facetime Ryan on the morning of Arsenal games to watch with him. We are committed.)

Ryan turned out to be in an apartment that was grouped with my own apartment for Family Home Evening (every Monday night we had a gospel lesson and some sort of activity), so we spent a lot of time together!

....However, this is a Hannah Kruman story, so it's not so simple as meeting, becoming friends, and then falling in love.

First, I dated Ryan's roommate.

Second, I dated Ryan's other roommate...

"Judge not, that ye be not judged."

Anywho, over the course of those months, I interacted with Ryan at least once or twice a week still, because our apartments were always together. I always thought that Ryan was absolutely hilarious, and I always felt that there was something so engaging about him that just made everyone want to talk to him.

Now, for the fun part.

Chapter 2: The Beginning of Something.

Fast-forward to January 2016. Ryan and I had been friends in the months leading up to the new year, but in January, I was single and things began to change.

If I am being completely honest, I'd say that it was the result of my sad attempt at playing Cupid backfiring completely. While doing my best to push Ryan and a roommate of mine together, Ryan and I began to talk a lot more than we used to. I sincerely was trying to get the two of them together. But as we talked and talked and played soccer together, I started to realize how much I absolutely loved to talk to him.

Needless to say, I was a little (only a little, I promise) jealous when I heard him ask out my roommate in my living room. I guess I had no right to be upset, I mean, I had dated two of his roommates, but it still bothered me. Which is why I knew I needed to back off. And I did.

Until it became clear that it wasn't working out between the two of them. Ryan and I began to talk even more at this point. We met up almost every night and would talk in the lounge until 2 AM or go for a drive up the canyon. He would indulge my late-night cravings for KFC or sit on the couches for sale at Smith's until we were getting weird looks from those also in the store at 3 AM.

One day, Ryan invited me to the symphony with him up in Salt Lake, because his date had to bail on him. I later learned that that was all a ploy.

All this time, I had myself convinced that I would never date him. I couldn't date another guy from apartment 28. It would be just too embarrassing.

One night, while up in the lounge talking for hours, Ryan asked me what I would say if he asked me on a date. Panic. Excitement? Mostly panic. But also excitement.

After making him wait a day, I finally told him no. It would be too much drama. It just couldn't work. Not then, at least. And thus, Ryan stayed in the friend zone. For just a bit longer.

Chapter 3: California

Here is a piece of advice for you: If you want to avoid falling for a guy, do not go on a road trip with him to Los Angeles. You will fail. But it will be glorious.

With several bets stacked against us (that we would kiss on the trip, come back dating, etc.), we headed off with Ryan's brother Brock and his sister-in-law, Emily. That 9-10 hour car ride was probably the fastest one of my life. For the first time, I was with Ryan in a setting where I didn't even care about what his roommates, my roommates, or anyone else thought. I was free to just get to know him. And I loved what I got to know. Poor Brock and Emily had to deal with us flirting for the entire car ride. I don't really know how we ended up surreptitiously holding hands under a pillow in the back seat. But by the time we got to LA, things were moving.

The next few days were spent at Ryan's aunt and uncle's house with their little kids. We went to Santa Monica Pier, explored LA, and went to Ryan's audition at Colburn University. As the sun set over the San Fernando valley one night, Ryan and I sat on the wall of the Getty Museum and looked out towards the water and over all the hills that were magically illuminated by the orange light. That was the first time that I thought "If Ryan kissed me right now... I would let him."

And I was slightly bitter when he didn't take 34239 perfect opportunities to do so. I later teased him mercilessly, when I found out that he had been considering it but wimped out. In fact, when the security guard came to kick us out, Ryan looked at me and said "Probably for the best...Another ten minutes and you may have owed some people some money."

On our last night in California, Ryan and I were sitting on the couch together and he asked me again if he could take me on a date. At this point, I knew I would be stupid to let my worries about others stand in the way of giving him a chance. So I said yes.

Chapter 4: The First Kiss and Date

Contrary to the belief of some, Ryan and I did NOT kiss on that trip. Perhaps it was our competitive sides coming through, but we waited.

Not for too long, though. When Brock and Emily dropped us off, Ryan turned to me and said "Don't go to bed yet. I'm going to text my sister to get my car, and then I need to take you somewhere." I like to take some credit here, because if I hadn't teased him about missing the Getty opportunity so many times, I think he would have waited a while longer.

Ryan drove me up to Deer Creek Reservoir. We had been there before on one of our late-night drives, and I broke through the ice, soaking my feet with cold water which cut that adventure short.

This night, however, we were a little more careful. Besides, I knew the whole purpose of this was for Ryan to try to create a moment ALMOST as good as the Getty. And there were several moments when we came close. Maybe he was waiting for that 90-10 Hitch strategy to work for him, but I just didn't let him kiss me quite yet. It felt too contrived.

Eventually, we headed back to the car. And I made one more smart remark. "Wow, I can't believe you didn't kiss me tonight..."

Ryan straightened up, grabbed my hand and turned me around. "Come on." We headed back towards the reservoir and just started talking again. Then we climbed up into this large tree with bare branches. One branch was so big that we could sit side-by-side and look out at the full moon shining down on the snow-covered reservoir. After a few moments of taking in the beauty and the silence, Ryan leaned over and gently pulled me into a kiss.

And it was perfect.

Apparently, he was also quite proud of himself, because after smiling at me he pumped his fist in the air and bellowed "Woo! SUCK it, Getty! SUCK it, Hannah! Suck it, Nessy!" (We attributed the strange gurgling coming from below the ice to Nessy, who was ruining the mood earlier in the evening.)

Fortunately, Ryan realized that this wasn't the most romantic thing he could have said after our first kiss. He kissed me again and this time tried something more acceptable like "You are beautiful."

That next weekend, Ryan and I went on our first official date. He took me to Nicoitalia's Pizza, and then we made chocolate lava cakes together and watched a movie. At this point, I already knew I was into him. The presence of good food only amplified those happy feelings.

Chapter 5: Months of Bliss

I'm realizing that I need to speed this storytelling process along now. Unfortunately, if this story were a sandwich, this chapter would be the big hunk of meat in the middle. Except this is an open-face sandwich, because there is no end or final piece of bread.

Anyways, Ryan and I went on several dates. He had auditions out in NYC, and while he was on his last trip, we talked about how we were basically in a relationship, since neither of us were dating anyone else. When Ryan returned that night, he made me come up to meet him in the lounge, promising it'd be brief. I sat down and he told me he had two questions,

He pulled out a single red rose, and asked "Hannah, will you accept this rose?" (We may have watched the Bachelor together sometimes...

And then, "Hannah, will you be my girlfriend?"

The months that followed seemed unreal. I kept waiting for the butterflies to stop. They didn't. I kept waiting for him to get bored of me or for me to get bored of him. We didn't. Instead, we just kept falling.

Ryan told me he loved me one night when we snuck away from our friends down in Moab. We sat on a large rock, and he nervously told me that he was in love with me. You know the kind of happiness where you just can't stop smiling, even after the moment is passed? It was that good. Pretty sure our friends were really confused when we returned, smiling like goobers.

How do I summarize being together every single day for months upon months? We played soccer, went on adventures, went out for food, talked and talked, found hammock places around Provo, cooked together, and met each other's family. And it was perfect.

Don't get me wrong, not every day was perfect. Sometimes, I get bad anxiety, usually associated with my relationships with others-- in friendships and dating. That was an adjustment for us. Ryan and I had to learn how to talk to each other when I was distant. We had to learn how to be open with each other when it feels risky. I had to learn that this boy loved me. I had to learn that when he talked to me about how we needed to make changes, it was so we could grow close and learn from those low moments. I had to learn that he wouldn't give up on us.

But overall, it was perfect. We had hard days, but that is life. That is reality. But the majority of our days, our weeks were absolute bliss. Ryan told me once that if God allots a certain number of "perfect moments" to people during their time on earth, we somehow got far more than our share.

I am a pretty happy person in general. But there was an entirely new level of happiness that I discovered during these months with Ryan. A happiness I had never come close to in other relationships. A happiness that I didn't know was even possible.

Every month positively flew by. We talked constantly, were together every day, and we wrote letters to each other every once in a while, just to remind each other of how we felt.

Towards the end of the summer, Ryan and I had to deal with the fact that he was leaving for grad school down in Texas. This meant really analyzing our relationship and where it could go. We had talked about marriage before, always in a "someday" sense, more than an actual plan that we were ready to start making.

In August, however, Ryan and I went up to Idaho to visit his grandparents and then go to his family reunion. Every single day was perfect. Crazy, loud, sometimes chaotic but perfect. I knew that I loved Ryan already, but after that reunion, I understood that I wanted to be a part of his family. I started to know what I wanted my future to look like.

At the end of the reunion, Ryan stayed behind to go on a camping trip with his family, and I drove back to Provo for my classes. And we were apart for the first time in 6 months.

For about 4 days.

And it was miserable.

Ryan had been home for maybe 2 hours before he found a quiet moment to tell me how he felt on that trip. How he had had a lot of time up in the wilderness to think about me and think about us. He talked to his family, and from the sounds of it, he missed me ALMOST as much as I missed him.

And then, Ryan told me that he wanted to marry me.

 Chapter 6: The Proposal

The time came for Ryan to move to Texas. Although I was sorely tempted to give in to Ryan's request that I did my student teaching down there instead, we both knew that we would just have to spend some time apart.

We made the 16 hour drive to Kansas City, Missouri together, so I could see his home before I left for my family trip and he began his drive to Texas. Apparently, 16 hours in the car with your favorite person goes by ridiculously quickly. Especially when you are singing Hamilton, dancing to whatever song Ryan is making up, and talking about how we want our future together to look.

Well, after getting the grand tour of his hometown, Ryan and I had to say goodbye.

Have you ever had your own, personal, dramatic airport scene? Where you are both crying and the girl is ugly-sobbing? And they kiss and hug goodbye and then look back about 30 times as the girl enters security? And then the worker asks for your license and boarding pass while smiling, until he looks at your face and his eyes grow wide with concern?

Yeah. Me either.

The next month was pretty miserable. I had so much going on with school and work that time went quickly...but also painfully slow since my time wasn't full of Ryan.

For Labor Day weekend, I went down to Austin to visit Ryan! As soon as I saw him again, I was just hit with how much I love this guy. I suddenly became this doting girl, who just wanted to be staring at him every second of our day, because I was just so happy to be with him again.

On the Saturday before Labor Day, Ryan and I celebrated our 7 month-iversary! We went to the Austin graffiti park, cooled off at an art gallery, and then went to dinner at a fancy restaurant! He likes to spoil me every once in a while.

Unfortunately, Ryan was feeling sick a lot of that day. Every time he left our table to go to the bathroom I thought "Is he going to get the ring?? Is this when he proposes?"

But then he came back and told me what happened in the bathroom. Not exactly romantic.

After dinner (and after Ryan lay on the grass to recover a bit), Ryan and I went to a performing arts center with a large grassy lawn in front. From the lawn, we could see the city skyline lighting up the night sky. It was beautiful.

At this point, I was pretty positive that Ryan was going to propose. But I also was thrown off by how much he kept joking about proposing. He was really trying to mess with my mind.

We sat on the grass and exchanged gifts for our special day! I gave him a new Arsenal jersey and he pulled out about 100 photos of us. We went through all the pictures of us and talked about all the stories and memories associated with them.

Ryan wanted to spend forever on each photo, so he kept having to slow me down as I tried to speed things along and get to what I assumed came after the photos...

After we finished looking through the photos, Ryan just told me how much those pictures mean to him. How they make him think of all of our amazing adventures together, and how he is so excited to have so many more.

And then he pulled out the ring.

He got on one knee and said, "Hannah Kruman, will you marry me?"

And I said YES!

And just like that, we were engaged.

With my face sore from smiling, I went with my fiancé to get celebratory gelato and to call our families. After we got home, Ryan got really sick again. So the rest of the night was spent with Ryan feeling miserable while put cold cloths on his forehead to cool him down. The next day, Ryan apologized for it being such a "lame" night. But in all honesty, I loved it.

Don't get me wrong, I take no pleasure in seeing Ryan suffer. But it was such a special moment for me, for reasons that may sound silly to others. I had just agreed to marry this feverish, miserable boy. And I got to be with him to take care of him! It was like a glimpse in the future. My first opportunity to care for my fiancé "in sickness and in health." Of course, I would have preferred him not having to feel miserable. But, in a special way, I thought it was a perfect end to our evening.

Chapter 7: Thoughts, Feelings, and Reasons

THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART

If you are still reading, I am very impressed with you. If you skipped ahead, welcome! This is the important part for you to read. Up to this point, it has been mostly for my own memory.

I want to talk about why I am getting married.

Reason #1-- I am crazy in love with Ryan Foley. If this is news to you, I suggest you see chapters 1-6.

Reason #2-- Family is important to me. Beyond important, it is essential. We have opportunities to grow through the relationships and interactions and trials associated with families.

I believe that God is our Heavenly Father. This means that I am his daughter. Families are part of God's plan for us, and we are in a spiritual family with Him by the very divine nature that we each have. And that fact alone is enough for me to believe in families. I don't believe that God just leaves families alone. He knows that families are essential for us to progress in this life. I am so thankful for my family.

And I am excited for my family to grow.

I am marrying a man who loves his family. He respects them, is friends with them, and sacrifices for them. I know that the person who he is today is because of all he has learned from being in and loving his family. And this gives me so much hope and excitement for the family we are becoming. In a few months, I know Ryan will make an amazing husband. Someday, I know Ryan will be an wonderful father. In the meantime, I am so excited for our little family of two.

Reason #3-- I want our family to be together forever.

I believe that marriage can and does last beyond "til death do us part." On January 3rd, Ryan and I will be married in the Philadelphia Latter-Day Saint temple. There, we will be sealed together for "time and all eternity." I believe that after this life, Ryan and I will be together again, and we will be with our family.

I know that Ryan is the person I want beside me for eternity. The thought of "forever" is overwhelming to me when I try to understand it. There is a line from a song that I think is particularly pertinent...

"And if love never lasts forever, tell me, what's forever for?"

I believe that love and marriages can last forever. And I believe that love is the only thing that can make "forever" full to the brim!

Reason #4--Life is Hard. And marriage isn't easy. That is life, and those are just the facts. But Ryan and I can do hard things. Ryan and I are going to make our marriage beautiful and eternal. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, we will have bad days. But we will love each other and work together. I will pick him up and he will push me along. We will help each other and push the other to reach our goals. Ryan has already shown me that he is my number one fan. He believes in me. And I believe in him, and I will always have his back. And we will have the future that we have always dreamed of having.  

Conclusion

This blog is called "Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost...The Wanderings of Hannah."
So perhaps I should explain why something as typical as a love story is being included. "To wander" is sometimes defined as "to follow a path with many turns." With that definition in mind, I think this blog is really about my life. Following a path with turns, sometimes planned and other times unexpected. Marriage is a turn in my path that will take me towards a future of happiness. And with Ryan by my side, I will happily travel down the turn-ridden path for the rest of my life.

I want to end this post with a quote from a letter Ryan wrote for me to read after he proposed. Hopefully he doesn't mind that I am sharing it with the world... But I think it eloquently explains how I feel about the path we are on.

"Together, we will be strong. We will love and grow together. We'll raise a beautiful and close family. Our home will be a place of love and safety and truth, built upon the rock of our relationship...which in turn is built upon the Rock of our Savior, Jesus Christ. We will make so many mistakes and have so many twists, but, with each stumble and fall, we'll be at each other's side to help each other through it all.

I love you Hannah Elisa Kruman. Thanks for making my dreams come true and embarking on this journey with me. I promise you it'll be worth the ride."

And, I truly believe this journey I am embarking on with Ryan will be the best adventure of my life.

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

This is actually Moldova... Just go with it. 

By the time that anyone reads this, I will be out of Romania. How do I feel about that? Feelings. Lots of them. Of all types. I don't think that there is really any way to put into words how I really feel at the end of these few months. I can't just sum up the ways that I've changed or things I've learned. Not well enough for people to understand at least... But maybe well enough for people to THINK they understand. Either way, I'll start with the stories and save the mushy-gushy stuff for the end.

Also, I'm posting this from the airport, so I am not putting in pictures. I just want to get the writing done before I actually get home, and I'll do the pictures in the next one.

One of the girls in our group, Emma, is getting married in October, so we had a "surprise" bachelorette party with her haha. It entailed Pizza Hut and bowling! But we are in Europe, so those things are more glamorous than you would think. First off, Pizza Hut? Wow. They do it right over here. I split a big ol' cheese pizza with these cheese bites for the crust, and it was positively heavenly. It's a sit-down restaurant, so the waiter treated us so well the whole time too! So fun. Plus, any food that you can divide the price by four to get to your usual currency is good to me.


Afterwards, we went bowling in the Palas mall. It was intoxicatingly smoky in there, but we had a good time. One thing you may not know about me is that I am extremely competitive. Whether we are playing seminary scripture mastery games, soccer, cards, etc. it's kind of a problem. Anywho, bowling is sometimes difficult, because depending on the day I will be either really good or terrible. There is no in-between. Well, fortunately, I pulled out a win on our lane (one girl in the other lane beat me by a few still...). But it was really fun. Especially when I responded to a sudden and overwhelming urge to prank Maddie. As she wound up to bowl her ball, I snuck up behind her and stole it, just as she swung (doesn't sound like a real word...) it all the way back. She thought she had accidentally let go and threw it back to us, so she screamed quite loudly while the rest of us laughed equally loud. I was just relieved it worked so well, and that I hadn't ended up getting hit in the face as she swung it back to throw it.


Of course, we needed to document it, so I did it again to Emma Pusey, and it worked like a charm. See my Facebook for the video. 'Tis grand.


The next day, we went to church in the little Iasi branch for the last time. It was bittersweet and especially emotional when the sweet relief society president picked out "God Be With You Til We Meet Again" as our closing song. Tears may have been shed on my part.


And just like that, we were beginning our last full week in romania. Our last week at the hospital and orphanage. I wasn't really sure how to tackle the goodbyes. Or do everything I wanted to before leaving.


As usual, I was torn between my typical struggle between wanting to embrace every moment and wanting time to fly by.


On Monday night, Morgan and I were walking back from the store when we had our first semi-scary experience with some Romanian guys. As we walked up the sidewalk, we saw a group of three teenagers walking towards us from the opposite direction. The smallest one in the group deviate from his path to walk right towards us. As he got closer, I saw him reaching down to do something to his pants.


"No. He's not going to... Nope."


Yep. He undid his pants and pulled them down past everything and just let it all out as he got closer. Morgan and I just silently kept walking with our eyes straight ahead. The other two got closer to Morgan on her side while the pantsless one got right up in my face as I passed. We walked a little bit faster, and just as we passed them, the one who was flashing us reached around and slapped my upper chest. Not sure what he was aiming for. But we just kept walking.


As soon as we were past them I thought of so many things I could have said in Romanian instead of just being silent. I also was suddenly extremely desirous to smack the crap out of him. It's probably a very good thing that we just ignored it, but I still get feisty just writing about it. I need to be more Christlike.


My close friends know that I am an exceptionally awkward person sometimes. I just seem to be drawn into awkward situations. This summer I had a bad habit of doing embarrassing things and then finding myself in the way of a passing Romanian. Like when we wait for lunch to be delivered, and in my excitement upon seeing "Gustus catering," I throw both fists in the air and yell "YAS!" in a deep voice and walk right into a Romanian woman. Or doing an awkward dance in public and then realizing there is a Romanian family behind me trying to get through. Or walking him from the orphanage and misunderstanding the crossguard, so when he sees I'm still going, he throws up his arm and clotheslines me as I attempt to cross the street. Good times.

Oh, we had to go to the immigration office and sign a bunch of papers saying we stayed illegally in Romania without a visa. Basically, we are rebels.

Other than the orphanage and hospital, it wasn't a crazy eventful week not until we left Iasi. Our last few days were just spent packing and cleaning and stocking up on European chocolate. There was a very stressful few days when we were informed that Oreo Milka bars were only temporarily stocked, so there were no more to be found (we got some in Bucharest, don't worry). But basically, I bought a few bars every other day, stuck them in the freezer so they wouldn't melt, and totally intended to bring them home. But sometimes, I was weak. And I would eat one. And sometimes, I was impatient. So I sat on them to defrost them quicker. I know, I'm a classy individual-- hold the golf claps.


Hospital time--
We only went twice this week, instead of the usual three times, because we decided to go to the orphanage again Friday afternoon. Those in our group who go to the apartments instead of the orphanage went to the hospital in our place. So on Wednesday, we went to the hospital for the last time. For the last couple of weeks, I have been visiting the middle floors with Morgan, so other than an adorable baby, we haven't had too many "regulars." But once we finished our floors, we stopped to say goodbye to "Mario" one last time. I honestly forget what his fake name was before, but he's the one that is an orphan at a different orphanage who used to be super shy before opening up to us. He bought us hot chocolate one time.


Anywho, I was nervous he would be standoffish, since he hadn't played with me in a little while. But he looked as And instantly went into play mode. We played with his Spider-Man toy and the little polly pockets I had haha. He liked to play rather violent games with them. He is such a cutie. I was just so, so happy he played so well with us. Sabrina has been visiting him everyday, so I honestly think he is getting much better at interacting with people.


We've had a lot of incredible experiences at the hospital. I think I forgot to mention an orphan boy we found one time who just had the cutest little voice. I reached to tickle him in his crib, and he reached up to be held with the most hopeful look in his eyes, my heart just melted. He was so happy to be held, and whenever I tried to put him down again to leave, he would start crying and I'd cave and hold him more. Eventually, I really did have to leave, so I put him down in his crib. Instantly he went into one of the silent cry faces that babies do sometimes, where they don't breath or cry for a few seconds and then just let it ALL go and scream. Well, he looked like he was just doing that at first. After a few seconds, though, he still hadn't cried or breathed, and he started to turn purple. Two Romanian moms in the room ran out into the hall to get the nurses. After a few more seconds, he started to breath and cry out loud again. When the nurses and doctor came in, they asked a bunch of questions about what happened. They explained that he gets seizures when he's upset and stops breathing sometimes. So they suggested I didn't pick him up in the future, just so he wouldn't get upset when we put him down. Scary. But so cute.


Oh and that little baby in the NICU section with the skin condition (whose twin brother died from the same condition) is doing better! She looks so much healthier. Still getting treated for it, but it looks like it is less prevalent on her body at least. So that was a good thing to see.


Okay... Orphanage time. I don't really know how to do justice to this. If it weren't for the fact that years from now I'm going to want to remember all the little details, I probably wouldn't even attempt. I just know that the details I can write here won't be nearly as emotional to anyone reading this. But the details will trigger things for me later in my life, so hopefully I will always remember the things I felt this week.


Since we have been going twice a day, we were still going to the orphanage a good number of times... But every day was precious. I just was trying to memorize every child in my room. They are all so sweet and beautiful and I want all of them.


So here is what I have-- the chronicle of the kids. This is just for my memory's benefit.



"Dunkin"-- he's about two years old, and he is the half-brother of "Riana." He is tiny, and always seems so frail. He is really sensitive to movement, which makes things tricky. He LOVES being held. He will be screaming, then you pick him up and he gets the biggest smile one is face and just sort of curls up into a ball of excitement in your arms. He will smile and laugh when you bounce him around or rock him, and somehow just knows when you're sitting down. He has thrown up on me a few times, because he movement that he loves seems to also make him vomit. He has some sort of respiratory problem, so he sounds like he is wheezing a lot of the time. And he can't support his own head or body. He had visual impairments, but he can see some things that are close to hi, We started calling him "Baby Human" as a joke, and it stuck.


"Riana"-- I think she may be 6 or 7?  Like her brother, she seems pretty frail and sickly most of the time. Sometimes, she is in a much happier mood than others. She is essentially blind, but she is very sensitive to touch and sounds. She does NOT like it when people touch her hands. Usually I would take a stuffed animal and teasingly bounce it up her body until I could tickle her face or neck with it. There was one lamb stuffed animal that had a rattle inside of it. I used to shake it on different sides of her head and then switch it to a new location. As I moved it faster and faster in a rattling circle around her, she would laugh so hard. Depending on the day, she would love being held or just tickled. She usually liked being pushed around in her wheely-chair/bed thing. She doesn't drink her bottle very well, and you usually have to help her open her mouth/suck.


"Clara"--- she is maybe 4 or 5? I'm really bad at remembering/guessing ages. This chica, is SO cute. I have written about her, but I don't know where/what name I gave her. She has the cutest little smile and nose and such beautiful curly hair. She is just the cutest, that's all I have to say. Not really. She is SO ticklish. She has the tendency like many of our other children to seize up-- she will clench her fists, straighten out her arms and legs stiff as rods, and then she arches her back, making it somewhat difficult to hold her. But she loves getting her muscles rubbed out, probably because they are always tight, but also because she is so ticklish. She will just laugh and laugh. She loves being held on the swing outside. She's one of the kids we feed by bottle in the room.


"Brittany"-- again, maybe 4? I really don't know. I wrote about her earlier this summer, talking about her determination to walk. She walks mostly by herself now! She has come so far, it's so exciting! She loves walking everywhere and practicing. She has a bit of a cross-eye thing going on that makes her goofy little smile even more adorable. She is a screamer, though! When she doesn't get to go where she wants. She reminds me of a tiny little T-Rex-- she walks very clomping and wobbly, with her little arms up in front of her, usually while shrieking. She is so cute though haha. She loved when I took her on the trampoline one afternoon.


"Luke"-- talk about a babe. He is 3, I believe. He has dark skin and dark hair and eyelashes some girls would pay for. He can walk on his own, but he sometimes loses balance and topples over. Usually, if he is laying down he begins doing his "thing"-- not sure what to call it. He basically puts both hands on his head and rocks back and forth repeatedly. It has to do with his autism, I think. Apparently, he was taken to a foster home, but the orphanage took him back when they found out he wasn't getting he care or attention he needed. When we got there this summer, they were trying to teach him to be gentle. He has tendencies to randomly slap or pull hair and such. We would just say "nu," take his hand and gently touch our face instead or some thing. But he is doing so much better! It's been so much more fun to play with him, knowing your face isn't in as much danger. He is just the cutest child, even though he always seems to be pulling something off the table, knocking the laundry pile down, or standing on his head in his crib.


"Andrew"-- this is not the same Andrew as the one in the neighboring room. My Andrew is probably 8 years old, and he is a much bigger boy than we sometimes remember. He is skinny and tall! But he is wheelchair bound as well, so we sometimes forget how big he is. He is blind and very ticklish! He has a huge smile, and he loves being touched. We like to lay him on he big exercise ball, so he can stretch out. He just likes it, because he loves being upside down. He is blonde with the bluest eyes ever. He is just a big sweetheart. We feed him with a bottle as well. He is pretty strong, and isn't as sickly as some of the others. He does need help sucking the bottle sometimes.


"Lauren"-- this beautiful 7 or 8 year old girl sometimes flies under the radar, because she never cries for attention or anything. She is blind and in a wheelchair as well. Like he others, she has a tendency to seize up when she is over-stimulated by sudden noises or movements. She has such beautiful thick hair. I wish they grew it out more! When I hold her, her body is so stiff that it usually stays in the seated position the whole time while I rub her back or rock her gently. She has some moments when I can tell she is at least not unhappy, if not..happy haha. She is a bit tricky to hold sometimes, just because she chokes on her saliva if she isn't upright, but if you lean her forward at all, she drools it all over you haha. Like many of the kids, she came from a home where was was neglected and not given care or attention. So I am so glad she is at the orphanage and seems so strong!


"Lerisa"-- this little gremlin is one of the most entertaining in the room haha. She is 2 years old and has Down syndrome. She is so cute! She can't walk, but we have been trying to help her build up leg strength by propping her up between our knees while we sit (so she is mostly supporting her weight without having to balance) and also holding her hands to practice walking. But she is the MOST flexible human being ever. Her legs just flip all around and she is usually sitting in a split or something more drastic. She switches from a sitting position to crawling by lifting her feet from in front and rotating them behind her... It's tricky to describe. Also EVERYTHING goes into her mouth. She bites and slobbers and licks everything. We joke that she uses her tongue to communicate with morse code, because it's always popping out of her mouth. Also her nose is constantly snotty. She sounds kind of interesting, I know, but she's the funniest little thing, and I love her.


"Annie"-- she is 8 or 9 as well, blind, and wheelchair-bound. She has dark hair and some big teeth that stick out when she smiles, and boy- is it a cute smile! She often cries and doesn't take it lightly when we stop giving her attention. She is SO funny. You can tickle her or blow raspberries on her and she will LAUGH so loudly. She makes the funniest babbling noises, and just yells so loudly haha. She has the most adorable laugh, and she just is SO happy the instant you start holding her or playing with her. One time, all it took to set her off laughing was me walking into the side room where she lay in bed; she heard my feet slapping on the floor and thought it was so funny apparently. I started stomping my feet and she just kept cracking up.


"Malena"-- this chica is adorable. She is 5 or 6, and she is the one who was born with club foot. She just recently got her casts off, though! We had visited her in the hospital on some days when she was getting her casts redone. She hates the hospital so much, she sometimes refused to go on fun excursions from the orphanage, because she though it was a trick to get her to go to the hospital. She has the most beautiful face, and she loves to dance in her chair or in our arms. She gets excited when she sees us, when a song comes on, we do something funny, etc. and she will just scream with delight haha. Since her casts came off, she's been so eager to start walking. They've been working with her, and lately we have been able to practice with her so much! She is so excited, but very cautious. The fact that when she can walk, she gets to go back to her mom is a big motivator. I'm not sure what her home life is like... I hope that she will still get enough attention there. Malena and Maria are very vocal and animated, just typical little girls who like playing with the hair accessories and dancing. They used to hate each other, but over the summer they have started to get along better. They are still pretty jealous of each other, mostly in terms of the attention we give them. Even though she can be pretty demanding and pouty, she is such a lovable, beautiful girl who just wants to be loved and included.


"Maria"--Maria is 5 or 6, and she was born without a sacrum bone. As a result, she has these tiny little legs that she folds up under her in her wheelchair. If she is on the ground, she just pulls herself around with her arms while her legs/body make up a third point of the triangle. She is speedy. Maria is a very bright little girl, who loves to repeat English things we say and laugh at our Romanian. Lately, Maddie has taught her to say "I got you, babe" whenever she surprises/tricks her. It's one of the cutest things ever. Maria is very sweet and hyper. She loves dancing with us and washing her hands in the sink, for some reason. When you hold her, she loves to lay down and then flip her body over backwards and almost flip out of your arms, so you have to be pretty awake haha. She and Malena love to pretend to be asleep in your arms or "hide" while Maddie and I pretend to have no idea where they are.


"Steven"--this 2 year old was only in our room for part of the summer before he moved to the Bambi room with the more mobile children. We had been practicing walking with him, and he is doing better now, but he still likes to lay on the floor more than walk. He is a little blond boy who has the sweetest smile, and always looks sleepy. He loves being tickled or playing with musical toys. He has a bad habit of sticking things in his ears, and he spent a while in the hospital with a really bad ear infection. He is a sweetheart, who needs to learn how to play with other children and speak! Such a cutie. He has this funny habit now of putting his hand on his nose and then saying "ba ba ba BA!" And opening his hand and reaching out on the last, high "ba!"


"Daniel"--this little boy is probably 6 years old, and he moved to the Bambi room when Stevan did. He is in a wheelchair, and he has a large head that is a little differently shaped. It is just one of the things that make him so dang cute. He loves attention and can whine if he doesn't get it. He loves playing with people's hands. He and I first bonded over me making "shark hands" and "eating" his fingers as he reached his hand out to me with his little crooked smile. He also loved to grab my finger and move it around until I would say "beep." Then he would move it faster and faster as the "beeps" got faster and eventually ended in me tickling him. He loved funny sounds, like me tapping on the wall or running my fingers over the bars of his crib. The "got your nose/knees/feet/head" game was a major hit with him as well. He LOVED being held, and quickly memorized the "ridey horsey" song, until he was throwing himself backwards before I even dipped him down." I would sometimes take him to the mess hall for lunch, where I would feed him his little meal. It was so precious how hard he would laugh just when I played the "airplane" game with his food, flying the spoon around before it ended in his mouth. Such a cutie.


"Patty"---this chica is 9 years of age approximately, and she is loud haha. She loves attention and is always yelling, "hai!" which is Romanian for "come here" or "let's go" sort of. We used to think she was just saying"hi!" and was excited to see us. She loves getting her chair pushed around, and she loves attention. Her wrists are constantly bent down at a 90 degree angle, so it limits what she can do when she plays with us. Usually I will put a ball on the tray by her, and she will push it off with her hand. I catch it and put it back on, and this game goes on forever. She LOVES being held. As soon as she knows you are trying to unstrap her from her chair, she starts screaming and squirming and just grinning. Dancing with her or dipping her so she can have her head upside down make her so happy. Oh, and sometimes she whines to go visit her friend in the neighboring room (this adorable little ginger with the cutest freckles in the world). The workers put their chairs next to each other, and they just sit there so happily, staring at each other or reaching out and touching each other's head/hands. So precious.


"Xavier"-- how do I even begin? There is no description of him that I can write that would do him justice. It's all the little stories put together. I'm not going to attempt to capture the essence of him through a little paragraph. That's what I've been doing all summer. And that chapter comes to a close with my summary of the orphanage this week.




On Monday, I decided I should tell him that I had 5 more days at the orphanage before I went home to America. It was done in very broken Romanian, but judging by the look on his face (and the fact that he has said these types of goodbyes for years) I think he understood. It was his pouty face, but not his typical, fake "play with me, not them" face. It was different. He sort of pulled his mouth down into an even deeper frown from the pouty lips as if to say, "don't do that." And I know that it sounds silly to some of you, but after a summer of non-verbal communication with him, that's the closest meaning I can pin to that facial expression.


I went on to tell him that new girls would be coming soon! No face change.
"You don't like other girls?" *shakes head and continues to pout.*
"Just me, huh?"
*starts to grin and nod slowly*


So, that was a good start. We just kept playing after that, and I think he forgot all about it. I just didn't want to spring it on him on my last day. The week was full of tender moments and me dreading saying goodbye to those sweet children. I know everyone says that Alex is in love with me, but here's the part you didn't know: I think I have a crush on him too. Maybe you figured that out already.


Anywho, that boy has stolen my heart. When I come in in the afternoons, my friends tell me "your boyfriend was looking for you when we got here!" Apparently, sometimes he will look at them and just keep looking up the path to see if I'm there yet. But when I walk in and the afternoon, he has this smile that is undescribable. Wide-open, looking kind of sly, just so excited. I don't know how to explain it. It just grabs my heart.


Either that, or he will avoid my eye contact when he gets rolled in, and I will tease him by asking the others, "unde este Alex? Nu știu!" (Where is Alex? I don't know!) He always laughs as we keep it going for a while and he will smile as she stares up at the ceiling. Basically, he is the best.
We had to say a lot of goodbyes in the last few weeks. To the hospital children and the different orphanage workers before we ever said goodbye to the children at the orphanage. One of our workers is a younger girl in her early twenties, who was always so nice to us and great with the children. Her name was Andrea, and she got Cammy, Maddy, and I all some Romanian bread, a Rom bar, and a little Romanian magnet as a goodbye gift. It was so stinking sweet of her.


The day before we left, we were saying goodbye to another one of our beloved orphanage workers, and she said to us, "The children will cry when you leave, because you play with them in such a crazy way!" It is true. We don't hesitate to look like total idiots to make those kids happy. Sometimes the workers laugh at us, but they know why we do it. It's all for the kids.


I reminded Xavier the day before, that the next day was my last. Again, the sad faces broke my heart. But then we kept playing and put it off until the next day. When I walked in on Friday afternoon for our last couple hours at the orphanage, I was panicking. I wanted to hold everyone. But I also didn't want to ever put any of them down. I just didn't know how to stop that little slot of time. I actually felt major anxiety from the fact that I wanted to give my attention to everyone. I was dreading goodbye.


Of course, time flew by that day. I held as many of the kids as I could and went in to play with/say goodbye to those who were in their beds for the afternoon. I know most of them couldn't understand, but in a way that made it harder. I just couldn't stand the fact that after I left, they wouldn't know that I exist, much less that I love them. They all just need so much love, and I wish that my wallet were as full as my heart is these days, so I could be the one to stay and give them that love.


Finally... I said goodbye to Xavier. I put it off for as long as I could. I said all my goodbyes. Malena and Maria understood pretty well, so I got some good long hugs from them. I just stood by Xavier while Maddy and Cammy finished their goodbyes. He held his arm up for hugs from each of them and then looked to me expectantly. But I stayed back. I didn't want to hug him yet, because then I'd really be saying goodbye.


Around then, Xavier looked at Maddy and saw that she was crying as she said goodbye to Maria. He turned and looked at me, rapidly flashing his eyes between us, as if to ask why she was crying. I just talked to him, but as I explained why she was crying, the tears started to catch up to me too... And he saw.


He just looked at me. Just stared at me with concern. I tried to laugh it off and just tell him I was going to miss him. Teo came in then, and she helped me with my goodbye present. I had purchased some ribbon that was the color of the Romanian flag. I cut up the ribbon, dividing it into long strips of red, gold, and blue and braided them into a bracelet. Then I took the red and blue and a white strip of fabric from my shirt to make a bracelet the color of the U.S. Flag. Then, with Teo's help, I gave it to Alex. This way, we both had a bracelet that would remind us of the other country, where the other was living. He looked so excited as we tied his on.


Then it was really time. So I hugged him. I know I've explained how his hugs are extremely tight and difficult to escape. This one was different. This time, he brought his arm down and just sort of... Held it there. No squeezing. Just a hug between two friends who would miss each other. By this time, as you can imagine, I am sobbing.


After two more hugs, I kissed him on the cheek and walked out of Mickey Mouse 1. Before I walked through the second door in the hallway, I turned back and looked at Xavier... And I saw something that broke my heart. I don't want to say that he was crying, because there was no way to tell from there, but... There was some sort of sadness in his expression that I have never seen there before. I thought my heart was going to drop out of my body. I just waved through the tears, blew him a kiss, and said "te iubesc!"


And just like that... it was over.


Yes we had some more goodbyes before we left, but for me? That was it. Walking down that hall was nearly impossible, and my heart was so heavy I couldn't stay there any longer if I couldn't be in there with the children. I changed and walked home ahead of the rest of our group, just thinking and crying.


As I walked through the orphanage gates for the last time, I stopped and looked back at the place I had devoted my summer to. Tears (of course) and a prayer sprang up.
"Heavenly Father, I've failed in a lot of ways this summer. I have lost my patience, I have judged others, I have been jealous, I have been angry. I know that. But... I brought some love into those children's lives. And, Heavenly Father, all that I ask is that you let them keep that. Let it stick. Please just please bless them with that. That's all I can ask for. I don't need them to remember me, but just please help them to remember the love."


And that was probably the most sincere I have offered this summer, if not in my life.


Then I walked home. And honestly, more things have happened since then. But I don't really want to write about them. None of them sound nearly as important to me as what I just relived again to write this.


So here is the briefest summary I can give---the next day we took a van to Bucharest. They initially tried to scam us out of a trailer we paid for and pack everything into the van, but we got it sorted out and rode the 7ish hours across the countryside of Romania in a non air conditioned van. I really don't mind long car rides, though. I actually really enjoy just listening to music while feeling the road bump along beneath me. We passed field after field of sunflowers. It was interesting seeing them at the end of the day, when they aren't open to the sun.


We stayed in a hostel for three nights. The first night, we got there late, so I just went out to the bar and watched a Romanian soccer game with a bunch of strangers in the hostel bar then went to bed. The next day we went to church in the local branch before heading out to "Old Buch" (the city was actually just built on top of the old buildings from before. You can see the ruins under glass at some areas). We went to the new bookstore (IT'S BEAUTIFUL) there, and I dorked out pretty badly. I bought "William Shakespeare's 'The Empire Striketh Back'" and the Silmarillion. So I am pretty excited for the flight home.


Then we just went out to get milkshakes and food and souvenir shopped. We found this antique place that was AMAZING in this old Russian church. So cool. I could have looked there for hours. The rest of the night was spent in front of the fan in the hostel, because there was no AC and we were melting.


Monday, we went to the huge park and rented bikes! I say 'rented,' but the first two hours were free for some reason? Not complaining. We rode all around the lake and just took in the beauty. At one point, the path ended, but I decided to climb up the steep dirt path to the side. There was a big railroad bridge that had a great view! And a path that we used to cross to the place the bike path started up again. After that we went to dinner at this place called Care cu Bere, and man it was classy. We felt out of place. But their lunch deal was a four course meal for only 20 lei (about 5 dollars), so it was amazing. Then we went to walk around the parliament building ("The People's Palace") and played on a giant playground.


Then packing, then a few hours of sleep, and tadah! Here I am, writing this blog post. And I KNOW I said I didn't want to write about any of that stuff, but I'm a word-nut, so once I start writing, I struggle to just keep it simple. I figure, if I don't want to remember the specifics, why am I even writing?


But yeah. I'm finishing this up on the airplane as I got over the Atlantic Ocean. I'm coming home to America.


I think I'm supposed to close this with a sappy conclusion about what I have learned. But the truth is... I don't know yet. I don't think I will even fully comprehend how this trip has affected me until I am out living life. Maybe sometime I will be in a situation, and I have a reaction, response, thought that is different than it would have been before. Maybe I won't even notice THAT change.


I won't lie and say that I haven't changed (even though I don't feel all that different). It's something in my heart. I have said a million times that this trip has stretched my heart. That's really the best way to describe it. You know how a new hair tie can only loop around your ponytail maybe twice when you first use it? And it kind of pinches your wrist sometimes when you have it there, because it is still too tight. But with time, it stretches out and gradually you can twist it three times, and boy, does it make a difference. It holds your hair better. It sits on your wrist more comfortably.


That is kind of what my heart is doing. I have forced it to stretch, and now... It can do more. It's more resilient. Now when I think about it and look in at it... I'm more comfortable with it. I'm more comfortable with who I'm becoming. I'm not sure how that is going to manifest itself yet. I DO hope that I will be able to go on being a weirdo in public and with friends without shame. But it may be a more quiet confidence, which is something I want too. It honestly is going to take some more practice, because my heart is a work in progress.


It's strange that this summer was all for me. I wanted to grow and learn and experience things. But at the same time, it was ALL about the children. It truly is a miracle how we find ourselves by losing ourselves in service to others.


Now I'm not saying that I think I'm a terrible person or anything, but like I said before-- I have messed up a lot. I could have done so much better. I need to do so much better. I feel like my unchristlike thoughts and actions are still there just as much. But my heart has been just charged up so much by those children and their love and their examples-- I just have to take that energy and use it to change the things about me that keep me from being more like a loving, humble child. That's what those children gave me.


I know that there is really no way of even coming close to describing what this summer was to me, to all of us. But I hope that in the future, I will be able to be the kind of person who can share some of the love I bottled up in that little orphanage. And maybe, I will have figured out how to truly share that love with those around me. And maybe, you'll be able to feel that. And maybe, just maybe, you will be able to scratch the surface of understanding the summer when my heart was stretched, broken, remade, and filled by the children in this city in Romania.

In the meantime, I'll just comfort myself with the wise words of Winnie the Pooh: "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

Stay classy, America. 

Grazie per i "Food Babies!"

10 days, ladies and gentlemen. 10. That is insanity. I put off writing this blog post for so long that my next post (my last one before I get home) will be based off of only a week's worth of content.

Am I ready to go home? Yes. A million times, yes. 
Am I ready to leave? No. 

It wasn't until we hit the two week mark that my mind and heart could fully comprehend that things are really coming to an end here. At 3 weeks, I was still anxiously ready for the end. But the number 14 rolls around, and now I'm in panic mode. This is my LAST week at the orphanage. I don't even know how to say goodbye there. I will talk more about the orphanage later on, but let me update this on the last few weeks first. 


We had our last day at the school before our long weekend trip. We had a fun little surprise for the children--popcorn balls!! We sing "popcorn popping" with them pretty often, so it was exciting! They may not have actually made the connection, but it was still fun all around. We gave them some little prizes, and then we said our goodbyes. 

I have this bad habit of taking perfectly well-behaved children and making them rowdy. This time, the children had magic bracelets. My pencil wand was no match, and they all ganged up on me. It wasn't pretty. 

As much stress and sweat and craziness went into the school, I am going to miss some of those adorable little rascals. 

Note the girl giving me her popcorn ball.

Being cornered.

Morgan, Macey, and I found a cheap plane ticket out of the Iasi airport to Treviso, Italy, so that became our long weekend plan! We were pretty lazy when it came to planning... We booked an AirBnB with an Italian family in Trevignano, but all we knew was that it was close-ish to Treviso, and not TOO far from Venice. And we decided to figure the rest out as we went haha.

We were a little stressed about the fact that we were approaching our 90th day in Romania, and smaller airports seem to be more strict about that fact during passport control. The lady checking my passport reminded me, and we all dreaded the return trip, when we knew it would be an issue.


First of all, walking out to the airplane is something I have never done until this trip in Europe. I felt like it only happened in movies. It is a pretty cool experience! That, or I'm easily impressed.


It wasn't a very long flight, and I slept through most of it. Except for when the man next to me woke me up with his laughter or his legs repeatedly brushing up against mine. I'm glad I was asleep most of the time, because Macey was fairly certain he was watching porn during the whole flight.


We got to Treviso and took a local bus to the train station, where we had some time to kill before the train left to the tiny town. So we went exploring! At first, Treviso doesn't seem that impressive, but as you walk away from the train/bus stations, you start to see the REAL Treviso. And it is beautiful. It is this quiet, calm little city on the river. It looks like the type of town that should be a tourist hub, because it is so cute, but it is just people's homes. It's full of adorable bridges, beautiful homes, and the classiest McDonald's I have ever seen.

We took the train to the Trevignano station, where our host mom was supposed to pick us up. While we sat on the train, I noticed a girl close to our age reading a book with thin pages with a gold tint to the page edges... Scriptures? After a little while she leaned over and asked us if we were Americans. Turns out, she was from Pennsylvania! She was a missionary in Italy from the Calvary Cross church! Such a small world. She was excited to meet some other Christians from America.

We were supposed to let our host know when we finished exploring in Treviso, but unfortunately, there was no wifi that we could find in Treviso. And Trevignano was a much smaller town than we thought. The station was more of a sign and a platform. We walked up and down the town, but hardly anything was open during that time in the afternoon apparently. And no wifi was to be found. Eventually, Macey was able to text her dad to email our host, and we went back and waited at the station.

Waiting.

Italians love their bell towers.

She picked us up after a while, and we went to our home for the next few days! It was such a cool house! Her husband is an architect, so it makes sense. We got the grand tour, including their rooftop pool, their border collie, and their children. They had two teenage girls and a 5 year old boy named Leonardo (of course). He was adorable. He came into our guest room with his mom and "took our order" on some paper (his mom offered us water and Popsicles). She brought it up to us on a tray and brought some homemade peach juice as well. It was so so nice!

We rested up a bit in the room and enjoyed the AC (thank goodness, because it was so hot and humid). We mostly spent our time plotting. Our host had invited us to be their dinner guests that night for some good ol' fashioned Italian spaghetti. I was SO EXCITED! Unfortunately, Macey and Morgan are gluten intolerant... So it was a bit more complicated. We spent our time plotting how to get two flutes intolerant girls through an Italian dinner. Some strategies included ( but we'e not limited to) dropping pasta into a napkin in their lap, lining their purses with a plastic bag. So they can slip food into there, take a bit then spitting it into a napkin with a casual face wipe, and (my personal favorite) sliding their food onto my plate when our hosts blink.


When we went downstairs, our host showed us some special pasta she had her husband pick up. It was apparently a different cereal, so a purer form of wheat that supposedly had less gluten. It was so kind of them! But Morgan and Macey still knew they wouldn't be able to eat too much of it.


In the meantime, I made it a goal to befriend Leonardo. After a few minutes of letting him show me a game he likes to play, I had successfully acquired a personal minion. He followed me everywhere haha. For a while we played a game with a ball that was supposed to be a grenade or a bomb. We threw it at each other and it would explode. The more dramatic you were during the explosion, the better. I really didn't understand much of what he said, but that didn't deter him from going on and on in Italian haha. His mom told us that he was very shy (she actually said he has "shame," but I think that's not quite what she meant). He didn't seem very shy to me haha. At least not after I started rolling on the floor after an explosive ball with him.


He took me up to the pool, where we splashed each other and played with the ball more. Then he took me out to the balcony, and we just chilled out there for a while. He would point at different things in his town and talk about them. I may not have understood any of it, but it was pretty cool getting an intro to Italy from a true Italian.


Dinner time! The whole setup was so fancy and exciting! Candles and wine.... They offered us alcohol a lot haha. Apparently there is an internationally acclaimed wine that is produced in THAT town. One of their claims to fame. So it was kind of awkward explaining that we don't drink alcohol at all.


But the food... Heavenly. We had made jokes about how I eat a ton, hoping that it would distract from the others not eating as much. She served Morgan and Macey HUGE bowls of her spaghetti with this homemade sauce with bacon in it. Then she gave me the biggest bowl of pasta you have ever seen. "Hannah eat half a kilo!" Ha. Ha.


It was delicious! I kept looking up into the panicked eyes of Morgan and macey, who took small bites every so often. There was no way to pass food around with the whole family sitting there watching us fail at eating spaghetti. They finally got us all spoons and taught us how to roll the spaghetti better, so we were slightly less revolting to watch eat. "Now you are Italian!"


The entire family had cleaned out their bowls, and they just looked at us and talked to us. Macey and Morgan had no choice... They ate their entire bowls. Their eyes looked so full of panic haha. While they worked on finishing up, I thought maybe I could distract by having a small second serving. Well I was dished a HUGE second portion, and the dad started cheering and clapping. My insides started crying. "She sleep a lot, because she eat a lot!" (The host mom's observation following our conversation about how I am not a morning person).


We sat there for a while and just enjoyed talking to such a beautiful family. They told us that Leonard told them he wants us to stay all summer. Apparently, he asked if we could come to Spain with them on their vacation later that summer. That made me so happy!
Just when we thought we could go upstairs to moan over our food babies.... "Now, time for cake!"


Their daughter had made a bundt cake, and it was just for us! It was delicious, but difficult to finish my slice. So of course, I had two.


They helped us plan out our Venice day trip for he next day, and boy, did they have a million suggestions haha. We only planned for one day in Venice itself, but we started to realize we would not be able to do everything. But it was pretty exciting hearing about everything it had to offer. Around 10:30 (apparently, Italians eat dinner around 8 PM in the summer), we crawled upstairs and talked about how deliciously painful that evening was. Macey and Morgan were pretty certain they'd be throwing up all night because of the gluten, and I was pretty certain my stomach was stretched to the breaking point from the sheer quantity of it all. I probably didn't need to try to compensate for their lack of intake as much as I did. But it was also delicious...

One of many times we had to pull out the map and be tourists.

Typical frat boys.

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My typical foot pictures. 

The next morning we took a train to Venice, and wow were there a lot of tourists. It was crazy. The small town where that family lives is so quiet and peaceful. But Venice was just as beautiful as you would imagine. We took our time and just walked the streets. We checked out the shops as we went and just enjoyed having no real agenda. Two things that nearly every shop sold were Murano glass and masks. Our host family had explained to us that different islands specialize in different forms of production. Apparently Murano glass is brought to Venice and is a big hit.

The water canals running up and down the streets, all the little bridges, it was all so incredible! It is so strange to think that to tourists it is a "site" to see. But there are people who live there. That is their home; boats are their mode of transportation. It was so interesting. For lunch, we just bought some food from a market and sat on some steps at the edge of one of the water roads by a bridge. Despite some persistent pigeons, it was pretty nifty.

Creepin'.

Cheesin' in Venice.

Oh, and Venice has ambulance boats. Just in case you were curious. We explored more after lunch, and ended up getting pretty lost in "Old City" Venice, where there weren't any other tourists. Except the occasional tourist who looks equally as lost as we did. It was like a labyrinth, but we weren't really too worried about where the exit was. It was so quiet. That is the part of Venice I would want to live in, not the typical touristy part.

We saw some beautiful buildings and statues, and just went where ever we wanted. Every turn we made led to a beautiful view (I took approximately 47 pictures of the exact same view it seems). After hours and hours and miles and miles and gelato, we headed back to Trevignano.


Apparently Leonardo had announced that he wanted to wait up for us, but he was out cold on the couch. The family sat us down and made us this mint drink (I think sparkling water and Italian soda mint flavoring) and more cake. They asked us all about our day and what we saw. They told us that Leonardo said he was going to cry when they told him we are only staying for two more days. That nearly broke my heart. Then the mom and her daughter insisted on taking us down the street to one of the gelato places the town has. She insisted on paying for us. And it was hands down the best gelato I've ever had. Remember my previous post where I said that gelato still isn't as good as American ice cream? Well Trevignano gelato is better than Venice's gelato which is better than American ice cream which is better than Romanian "Italian gelato."


It was really relaxing coming back to the small, quiet town after a day in tourist central. Apparently, their town never gets tourists. At least, not until the family started hosting some in their guest room. Even now, when locals meet a tourist, they will stare and then maybe ask "who is your mother?" Haha such a sweet little town. As we walked back from the train station earlier that day, the old man who sold us the bus ticket from his little store waved to us as if we were old friends.


The next morning we paid 4 euros for the breakfast of a lifetime. The family promised us that if we wanted to have their breakfast one of the days, we wouldn't be hungry until the evening after, no need for lunch. And they did not disappoint. There were croissants, eggs, yogurt, toast, herbal tea, homemade bruschetta, and...tiramisu! I had read in the reviews on the Airbnb website that her tiramisu was better than you could get in most restaurants in Italy. It was. So. Good. The tiramisu alone was filling, but with everything else, we were set. It was so cute.

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We headed back to Treviso and went in search of the Treviso branch. Using an address, directions from locals, and a map, we found it! It was pretty nice, just exploring as we went since we weren't crunched for time. We were able to take the sacrament in a beautiful branch, where (plot twist) the branch president and his wife were from Romania! So that was a funny connection. Now I've bee to church in 5 different countries, I believe.

This is the most adorable old lady I've ever seen.

We explored Treviso some more that day. Treviso is one of the only cities with the original old wall intact, apparently. So we went and enjoyed the beautiful town and the little "island" with ducks and geese and rabbits. Then we headed back to Trevignano. I was anxious to play with Leonardo more for our last day. And we did. T'was grand. 

We like to play barefoot in the streets. And bubbles. We like bubbles.

Leonardo gave us matching tattoos. He told me what they were, but it was in Italian...

For our last evening in Italy, Morgan, Macey, and I decided to walk around their little town and see some more of it. We went to a little pizza shop, and they bought a huge amount of fries. I bought a full-sized four-cheese pizza. Oh man. I was excited. We found a bench and just ate and talked and looped at the little town as the sun went down. We talked about how our summer was coming to an end and things we would miss or not miss. It was a good end to the weekend. I ate almost the entire pizza by myself, but I decided to save. The last piece for breakfast the next morning. We got big bowls of gelato again on our way home, and we rolled into the home sporting pretty impressive food babies. 

It was much bigger in person...

"How did you like the Italian pizza?"

"Oh I loved it! I ate practically the whole thing!"
"Oooh good! Now, you try mine!"


Yep. She had made homemade pizza for dinner that night. There was no way out of it. I said I would love to, while the other two politely declined. However, that's not really an option. The daughter gave them each a plate anyways. I could barely finish the piece, even though it was ABSOLUTELY delicious. Just as I am (finally) nearing the end of the piece, our host mom grabs another slice-- "and now, margherita! And tomorrow, you diet!" I actually had tears come to my eyes. I had never been so full in my life. And then the laughter came. Remember how that happens when I am in panicky situations? Yep.


It didn't help when we talked about our program "International Language Program...ILP" and she pronounced it "oh , Eelp!" I almost lost it laughing. It really wasn't even that funny, but I just couldn't believe I was eating the equivalent of more than a full sized pizza in addition to the ice cream. All I could think about was how Bruce felt in "Matilda" when he was forced to eat the entire chocolate cake. I struggled. Luckily we sat there for a long time talking about Italy and America, so I had time to space out the bites. We learned little cultural things like why there were clock towers all over-- they put them next to the churches all over the town, so people would know what time to stop working in the factories, since they didn't have watches. They also called them to church. They talked about all the unique claims their town can make--- tiramisu was created there (or in the neighboring town?). Apparently the mom didn't know for a long, long time that any other places even knew about it. In addition to the wine, they also had a famous shoe from there.. I forget.


They also were surprised to learn recently that Americans eat spaghetti. They DID think that we put ketchup on our spaghetti on the rare occasions that we had it, so that was a fun myth to bust.


They told us how he reason that they decided to rent out their guest room was so that their children could experience more and broaden their minds. They want them to understand other cultures and people outside of their little town. What's cool family. I am so glad that we stayed with them. It was so much more than the typical tourist experience. We got to know the people and learn about their culture, instead of just the tourist sites. They were such a beautiful people. I want to go back. And not just for the pizza. And Leonardo.


Early the next morning, the dad drove us to the airport, and we headed back to Iasi. Aside from awkwardness at passport control, it was a pretty relaxing day. We had the whole Monday to unwind and unpack. We finally got some answers about our lack of visa issue. Apparently the program just didn't give us all he information; we get an extension on our 90 days, so we WON'T be here illegally, which is nice to know.

Necessary plane selfie.

View as we stepped off the plane in Iasi. Romania is pretty.

Once again, coming back to Iasi was an adjustment. But this time, I was better prepared. What I was NOT prepared for was two of my children from my room being switched to another room at the orphanage. I was pretty upset. One was a wheelchair-bound one, and the other was a pretty mobile boy who has gotten much better at walking the last few months. I'm glad he's going to be with more children he can play with, but I'm going to miss both of them.

There was some excitement when we got back... That fundraiser we did to buy new wheelchairs was a success! I think we purchased 11 new wheelchairs, some strollers, foot-correction thingies, and diapers. So many kids in my room got either their first or a new wheelchair! I almost cried when I saw them. It really makes such a difference, so thank you to anyone who donated!


The last couple weeks were different, because we needed to fill the gap that used to be full of teaching in the afternoon. Some of us decided to go back to the orphanage in the afternoon on our teaching days. It's only for an hour and a half in the afternoon, and it goes by so quickly. But it is often pretty crazy. Especially on days when I'm the only volunteer in my room for the afternoon. I'm used to having Cammy and Maddy in there, so when all the children are crying or pulling on me or making pouty faces for attention (cough cough Xavier), it is kind of overwhelming. But I am so glad I can go back in the afternoons now... Time is running out and it is terrifying.


Walking home from the orphanage the other day, I kept feeling this small prick when I stopped on one of my feet. I had ignored it for a few days, but finally I took off my flip flop and looked closer. There was a piece of glass wedged into my flip flop and poking out the top ever so slightly. So that was exciting. I like to say I'm a modern-day Romanian twist on Cinderella.


I really have been making an effort to savor the little moments here. I don't know if I'm getting better or if I am just realizing how little time I have left, but I am living in the moment a lot more.


Xavier and I have had some moments at the orphanage that have been just so fun. He loves having me pick up bugs on leaves and show them to him. I usually pick up a snail or these little fire bugs, but every so often he tries to get me to pick up a spider and is very bummed out when I refuse. The other day I held up a bug on a leaf (his name is Felix, in case you were wondering). I usually tease Xavier by pretending to put the big on his head or in his mouth (because he is always smiling with it wide open), and he always laughs at me while saying "no" with his eyes and trying to lean away. Well, one day, Felix (we assume all bugs of the same type are Felix) decided to jump while I teased Xavier. And he landed right on Xavier's face. And Xavier jumped so much, I shouted, brushed it off, and we laughed hysterically for the next five minutes or so. Oh man, the panic in his eyes was so funny, I probably shouldn't have laughed. But he did too, so it is a joke of ours now.


Another thing we like to play now is heads or tails. Robby taught me how they like to play on the computer before he left. But since Chloe left, I don't get to use the computer with Xavier, so I wrote "cap" and "spate" on two different pieces of paper and place them on either side of me. Then I flip a coin and tease him for a while, building suspense as to which he thinks it is. He usually ends up looking rapidly back and forth between the two. When he gets it right, he gets so so excited when I yell "Un mai pentru tine!" (Which I think means, (one more for you") as I write down the score. He can be a sore loser though haha.


I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye to him. I already bought him his favorite chocolate bar (Milka raspberry cream) to give him on the last day. But it's going to be so hard... One of the workers told me the other day that she has asked him (while we were playing outside together if he was in love. He said yes. Then she asked him what he was going to do when I left. "Are you going to go with her?" Apparently, he nodded and squealed excitedly. Oh man. This is going to break my heart as much as his. I'm going to see if I can email Teo while I'm back home with messages for Xavier every once in a while.


Malena's casts are off of her legs! I don't remember if I said that. But it is so exciting! It's a lot easier to hold her and dance with her now. The other afternoon, the workers said she wasn't allowed to go outside with the others (they have many superstitions and health theories I don't understand), so I stayed inside to play with her. We played some games on the bed, and then ended up pretending to fall asleep. She would say "noapte bună!" and I would have to fall asleep in the middle of anything I was doing. Sometimes she would "sleep" too and just cuddle up to me. Then she would laugh SO loudly to wake me up it was pretty painful. But adorable.


She also did my hair. She brushed it out, and kept calling me a baby when I would say "ow!!!" So that was fun too. I lost a lot of hair that day.


The hospital for the last couple weeks has been pretty fun. There is a girl named Alexandra who isn't an orphan, but the nurses asked us to go in and play with her. Her mom watched us as we awkwardly spoke Romanian and tried to cheer up her 13 year old. She is very small for her age, with a relatively severe disability. She didn't speak much, her mom warned us that she didn't speak at all. I had found some Polly pockets in our apartment, and she loved them! She would just hold them and stare, smiling every once in a while. She would take whatever one you held at the time haha. After a while, she started opening up to us, and she would put her feet all over me as she sat next to me in bed. She even would speak a tiny bit when she wanted me to do something (like dress or undress a doll).


When we came back another day, she randomly got a bloody nose while her mom was out of the room. She decided to blow her nose (without a tissue) to clear it out before we could stop her. So her mom comes back into the room to find her daughter splattered in blood, sitting in a bed covered in a significant amount of blood splatter. I tried to clean up the bed and Alexandra as much as I could. She is a sweet girl. Sabrina had some paper flowers visible on her backpack, and hey just fascinated Alexandra. We put a drop of scented hand sanitizer on the flowers, so they would smell as pretty as they looked. She adored them. And after the blood splatter got everywhere, we decided to let her keep them all haha.


Oh, I think people in Iasi are onto me and my weakness for puppies. The other day, I was walking up the path to my apartment and two guys (probably a little older than me) stood next to the path. They BOTH held adorable puppies. I couldn't help but look, but I tried to hold it together. I didn't do a very good job, I guess, because the guys started yelling after me and holding the puppies out. All I could think about were the childhood cautions of "don't talk to strangers, even if they offer you candy, a puppy, or a ride in their big, white van."

Don't worry-- this is a stray puppy, not one of the man's. 

So much self-control.

And you know how I have this natural instinct to go pet other people's dogs? Well I'm developing that for children. I am starting to just forget that I can't go up and talk to children I don't know. I'm just so used to seeing kids at the orphanage or hospital and just talking or playing with them. We ate at Little Texas again last night, and a little boy walked in with his family. Before I could help it I call out to him, "Well, hello!" Everyone at the table got really confused. I had to explain that, no he wasn't one of my students, I'm just a freak. 

A bit of Iasi portion:

the children's hospital

The priest who stands on our corner everyday. Cool guy.

Romanian food is sometimes....

Cutest church award. Looks like a dollhouse.

hole in the middle of the street...

This is a house they have been working on tearing down all summer...it is a metaphor for something now.

Podul ros! (red bridge)

At least they provide safe passage over the torn up sidewalk.

I hate when they forget to mow the sidewalk...

Beautiful Iasi post thunderstorm

La Foglie has amazing chocolate cheesecake. FYI

Palas by night

Auchan by night

Eating like a classy lady. 

Well, that about sums it up. Not a very poetic or deep blog post, but it was full of good things. This whole trip has been. It's been really difficult sometimes. And I know I don't have much room to complain, seeing as I'm blessed with the opportunity for all of these incredible experiences. But there are some really difficult days and some lonely nights. Some days, I can't wait for August 18th. But as the end is drawing ominously near, I know I am going to look back and only remember the good. If I remember the lonely nights, I will be thinking of how Heavenly Father seems to make the crickets chirp a little louder those nights, because He knows they remind me of being home.


My heart is being stretched to new limits. Even more than my stomach was in Italy. I am dreading the goodbyes I'll have to say this week, but in the meantime, I'm just happy that I have people and things that I love enough to miss.

Stay classy, America.